29.4 Expectations


As human beings we all naturally have expectations. Just as fear is essential for

survival so too if we do not generate desires we stagnate. For seekers this is a

dilemma. On the one hand we are asked to engage in what J. Krishnamurti

called ‘choiceless awareness’ and on the other we are compelled to act to fulfil

desires if we wish to continue living. This quandary is not necessarily

contradictory. For example, if we want to visit Arunachala for its healing

properties, then we are required by this desire to engage in buying an air ticket

or book a car or a bus or train. We use desire for a positive purpose.

Expectations then are a necessary part of our spiritual voyage. We employ

them to lead us to that pivotal point, the intersection between the horizontal

linear development of what we call our everyday life and that vertical

transcendence which lifts us out of time and it seems, the inexorable logic of

cause and effect which dictates our earthly reality.

There is a verse, a shanti mantra that precedes the opening of the

Brhadaranyaka Upanishad. It invariably gives a jolt each time I read it.

“Om. That (Brahman) is infinite, and this (universe) is infinite. The

infinite proceeds from the infinite. (Then) taking the infinitude of the infinite

(universe), it remains as the infinite (Brahman) alone. Om Peace! Peace!

Peace!” 1

In other words, no matter how much you slice Brahman with

explanations, commentary, thoughts, to catch it in the confines of our minds, it

remains inviolably Brahman. It cannot be fragmented. Arthur Osborne, the

author and first editor of Sri Ramanasramam’s quarterly magazine The

Mountain Path wrote, that infinite minus x is impossible.

In an imperfect example, mercury has the quality to reunite and not show

any difference or demarcation. Each tiny globule has the quality of the whole.

At high school one day while cleaning the science laboratory, I played with a

droplet and no matter how the mercury was divided it had the ability to

effortlessly reabsorb its slivers. There was no trace of a fissure. It was

fascinating to see its unique properties. But an analogy can only be stretched so

far before it collapses. For in the instance of Brahman, we should not feel

despair for it never was and never will be divided. It is always ‘there’. How can

that be so? How can we be absorbed in it?

There is another relevant verse in the Brhadaranyaka Upanishad which

attempts to describe the indescribable.

“He [Yagnavalkya] said: O Gargi, the knowers of Brahman say, this

Immutable (Brahman) is that. It is neither gross nor minute, neither short nor

long, neither red colour nor oily, neither shadow nor darkness, neither air nor

ether, unattached, neither savour nor odour, without eyes or ears, without the

vocal organ or mind, non-luminous, without the vital force or mouth, not a

measure, and without interior or exterior. It does not eat anything, nor is It eaten

by anybody.” 2

The reason for these two quotes from a traditional source is that when Sri

Ramana Maharshi speaks of the Self or Atman in conjunction with the primal

question around which his whole philosophy of existence revolves, Who Am I?

we are confronted with an insoluble riddle. The question has always puzzled

me. I do not know who I am. There is the endless whirl of thoughts and

emotions. The catchment of memories; the vivid sparks that enliven our day and

the deadening, nightmarish dreams of unresolved issues. Which one is truly me?

All of them, some of them or none of them?

Since we started with several quotes there is no reason to stop now for

there are a few lines in the famous Hsin Hsin-Ming (On Believing in Mind) by

the Third Zen Patriarch Seng T’san, which help clarify the conundrum we all

face in realising who we are:

“The Perfect Way knows no difficulties /Except that it refuses to make

preferences; /Only when freed from hate and love, /It reveals itself fully and

without disguise; /A tenth of an inch’s difference, /And heaven and earth are set

apart; /If you wish to see it before your own eyes, /Have no fixed thoughts

either for or against it.”3

When I ask the question ‘Who am I?’ there is a momentary pause because

there is no satisfactory answer. We can babble a bunch of concepts we may

cherish about ourselves but they invariably are all unsatisfactory. Really, if we

are truthful, we do not know. Those who spout smug ideas based on memory

describing our weight, height, land of birth, time, miss the point. What we are

searching for is a revolutionary thought that transforms us from our, at times

miserable existence, into one of genuine happiness and well-being. The spiritual

path begins with the shock that we are deluded and inadequate.

Thoughts have the power to transform. They are not inert pieces of stuff,

much like jigsaw puzzle pieces that we think once put together will make a

picture, and consequently, ‘enlighten’ us. It is not like that for every picture we

make is limited. Thoughts are like mercury, slippery. Where does one thought

end and another begin? What we are seeking is living immortality, a

perpetuation of the most powerful so-called thought we ‘possess’ which is the

sense of ‘I’, which is undivided, whole, independent of all manifestations.

How do we go about it? It is here we are in ignorance. We have got the

argument from the wrong end of the argument. Let us inverse it and believe in

our heart what Sri Ramana Maharshi tells us that we already are ‘That’ is right.


That ‘I’ is the beginning, the middle and the end. Then it appears we need do

nothing but wallow in our specialness. This is an erroneous understanding.

While we are stuck in a dualistic world of right and wrong, light and dark, right

and left, we are unaware of a greater all-encompassing reality, the wholeness

which is referred to early in this Letter as Brahman. And if we recognise that we

are blind, the next step is to work, to struggle, to walk the path and break free of

the clutches of fate. This is a paradox and no amount of logic can square the

circle.

What then is the purpose of all this struggle? Very simple, it is to learn

how to be still. To stop identifying with thoughts and emotions. To stop thinking

that the answer is around the next corner. The question ‘Who Am I?’ is to make

one stop and be still. Sri Ramana Maharshi quite often told seekers: Summa Iru!

Be Still! Or often enough, Iru! Be! The power of that word directly uttered by

him was enough to transform radically the lives of many.

Sri Ramana Maharshi states that we do not have free will, that everything

is predetermined. 4 The one aspect that is our choice is whether to identify with

our body-mind complex. When Bhagavan Ramana was alive in this world,

‘Who am I?’ was jokingly called the Brahmastra by devotees, the ultimate

weapon before which no opposition could stand. When they wanted to question

him about anything in general that aroused their curiosity, they would ask him

first not to employ his definitive weapon, which they knew would stop

everything in its tracks.

Are we prepared to use that Brahmastra?

D: What is meant by saying that one should enquire into one’s true nature

and understand it?

M: Experiences such as ‘I went; I came; I was; I did’ come naturally to

everyone. From these experiences, does it not appear that the consciousness ‘I’

is the subject of those various acts? Enquiry into the true nature of that

consciousness, and remaining as oneself is the way to understand, through

enquiry, one’s true nature. 5

It is easy enough to talk about enquiring into one’s true nature but that is

insufficient however sincere our wish, for our powers of attention are limited.

However, once we taste, if only momentarily, that infinitude of Brahman, that

glimpse into a reality beyond our ordinary grasp, there arises an enthusiasm, an

expectation that it is possible and that we should develop the ability to remain

focused. A notion has been created in us that becomes radioactive and with time

and protracted effort it will break through the veil of forgetfulness (pramada) 6

that keeps us bound to ignorance of our true nature, unalloyed awareness. The

question is, are we ready to do it? The answer is yes.

-------------------------------

1 Brhadaranyaka Upanishad translated by Swami Madhavananda. p.xxiii. 1950.

2 Ibid, 3.8.8, p.517.

3 Manual of Zen Buddhism by D.T. Suzuki. Because of sentimental reasons I chose Suzuki’s

version though there are many inspiring versions available. In 1974, his Essays in Zen

Buddhism gave me the intellectual ammunition to break free of the strictures of Catholicism

and see that there was another valid world which described with startling compactness and

authority the search for meaning.

4 Karma [action] giving fruit [is] by the ordainment of God [the karta or ordainer]. Can karma

be God, since karma is jada [devoid of consciousness]? Upadesa Saram v.1.

5 Self-Enquiry (Vicharasangraham). Section 2.

6 In Vedanta, it also means sloppiness or inattention, which is a prime cause of suffering.

Hindu Teachings

Spiritual-Teaching.org

Hindu

Teachings

H

"The Name and the named are identical; for He Himself appears as Name.

The letter (aksara) is indeed God's own Name. when the Name one repeats becomes alive,

it is as when a seed is sown the tree grows out of it.

If the Name that appeals most to any particular person is constantly repeated;

one arrives at the realization that all names are His names, all forms are His forms."

Sri Anandamayi Ma in Matri Vani

Letter # 29 - Expectations


As human beings we all naturally have expectations. Just as fear is essential for

survival so too if we do not generate desires we stagnate. For seekers this is a

dilemma. On the one hand we are asked to engage in what J. Krishnamurti

called ‘choiceless awareness’ and on the other we are compelled to act to fulfil

desires if we wish to continue living. This quandary is not necessarily

contradictory. For example, if we want to visit Arunachala for its healing

properties, then we are required by this desire to engage in buying an air ticket

or book a car or a bus or train. We use desire for a positive purpose.

Expectations then are a necessary part of our spiritual voyage. We employ

them to lead us to that pivotal point, the intersection between the horizontal

linear development of what we call our everyday life and that vertical

transcendence which lifts us out of time and it seems, the inexorable logic of

cause and effect which dictates our earthly reality.

There is a verse, a shanti mantra that precedes the opening of the

Brhadaranyaka Upanishad. It invariably gives a jolt each time I read it.

“Om. That (Brahman) is infinite, and this (universe) is infinite. The

infinite proceeds from the infinite. (Then) taking the infinitude of the infinite

(universe), it remains as the infinite (Brahman) alone. Om Peace! Peace!

Peace!” 1

In other words, no matter how much you slice Brahman with

explanations, commentary, thoughts, to catch it in the confines of our minds, it

remains inviolably Brahman. It cannot be fragmented. Arthur Osborne, the

author and first editor of Sri Ramanasramam’s quarterly magazine The

Mountain Path wrote, that infinite minus x is impossible.

In an imperfect example, mercury has the quality to reunite and not show

any difference or demarcation. Each tiny globule has the quality of the whole.

At high school one day while cleaning the science laboratory, I played with a

droplet and no matter how the mercury was divided it had the ability to

effortlessly reabsorb its slivers. There was no trace of a fissure. It was

fascinating to see its unique properties. But an analogy can only be stretched so

far before it collapses. For in the instance of Brahman, we should not feel

despair for it never was and never will be divided. It is always ‘there’. How can

that be so? How can we be absorbed in it?

There is another relevant verse in the Brhadaranyaka Upanishad which

attempts to describe the indescribable.

“He [Yagnavalkya] said: O Gargi, the knowers of Brahman say, this

Immutable (Brahman) is that. It is neither gross nor minute, neither short nor

long, neither red colour nor oily, neither shadow nor darkness, neither air nor

ether, unattached, neither savour nor odour, without eyes or ears, without the

vocal organ or mind, non-luminous, without the vital force or mouth, not a

measure, and without interior or exterior. It does not eat anything, nor is It eaten

by anybody.” 2

The reason for these two quotes from a traditional source is that when Sri

Ramana Maharshi speaks of the Self or Atman in conjunction with the primal

question around which his whole philosophy of existence revolves, Who Am I?

we are confronted with an insoluble riddle. The question has always puzzled

me. I do not know who I am. There is the endless whirl of thoughts and

emotions. The catchment of memories; the vivid sparks that enliven our day and

the deadening, nightmarish dreams of unresolved issues. Which one is truly me?

All of them, some of them or none of them?

Since we started with several quotes there is no reason to stop now for

there are a few lines in the famous Hsin Hsin-Ming (On Believing in Mind) by

the Third Zen Patriarch Seng T’san, which help clarify the conundrum we all

face in realising who we are:

“The Perfect Way knows no difficulties /Except that it refuses to make

preferences; /Only when freed from hate and love, /It reveals itself fully and

without disguise; /A tenth of an inch’s difference, /And heaven and earth are set

apart; /If you wish to see it before your own eyes, /Have no fixed thoughts

either for or against it.”3

When I ask the question ‘Who am I?’ there is a momentary pause because

there is no satisfactory answer. We can babble a bunch of concepts we may

cherish about ourselves but they invariably are all unsatisfactory. Really, if we

are truthful, we do not know. Those who spout smug ideas based on memory

describing our weight, height, land of birth, time, miss the point. What we are

searching for is a revolutionary thought that transforms us from our, at times

miserable existence, into one of genuine happiness and well-being. The spiritual

path begins with the shock that we are deluded and inadequate.

Thoughts have the power to transform. They are not inert pieces of stuff,

much like jigsaw puzzle pieces that we think once put together will make a

picture, and consequently, ‘enlighten’ us. It is not like that for every picture we

make is limited. Thoughts are like mercury, slippery. Where does one thought

end and another begin? What we are seeking is living immortality, a

perpetuation of the most powerful so-called thought we ‘possess’ which is the

sense of ‘I’, which is undivided, whole, independent of all manifestations.

How do we go about it? It is here we are in ignorance. We have got the

argument from the wrong end of the argument. Let us inverse it and believe in

our heart what Sri Ramana Maharshi tells us that we already are ‘That’ is right.

That ‘I’ is the beginning, the middle and the end. Then it appears we need do

nothing but wallow in our specialness. This is an erroneous understanding.

While we are stuck in a dualistic world of right and wrong, light and dark, right

and left, we are unaware of a greater all-encompassing reality, the wholeness

which is referred to early in this Letter as Brahman. And if we recognise that we

are blind, the next step is to work, to struggle, to walk the path and break free of

the clutches of fate. This is a paradox and no amount of logic can square the

circle.

What then is the purpose of all this struggle? Very simple, it is to learn

how to be still. To stop identifying with thoughts and emotions. To stop thinking

that the answer is around the next corner. The question ‘Who Am I?’ is to make

one stop and be still. Sri Ramana Maharshi quite often told seekers: Summa Iru!

Be Still! Or often enough, Iru! Be! The power of that word directly uttered by

him was enough to transform radically the lives of many.

Sri Ramana Maharshi states that we do not have free will, that everything

is predetermined. 4 The one aspect that is our choice is whether to identify with

our body-mind complex. When Bhagavan Ramana was alive in this world,

‘Who am I?’ was jokingly called the Brahmastra by devotees, the ultimate

weapon before which no opposition could stand. When they wanted to question

him about anything in general that aroused their curiosity, they would ask him

first not to employ his definitive weapon, which they knew would stop

everything in its tracks.

Are we prepared to use that Brahmastra?

D: What is meant by saying that one should enquire into one’s true nature

and understand it?

M: Experiences such as ‘I went; I came; I was; I did’ come naturally to

everyone. From these experiences, does it not appear that the consciousness ‘I’

is the subject of those various acts? Enquiry into the true nature of that

consciousness, and remaining as oneself is the way to understand, through

enquiry, one’s true nature. 5

It is easy enough to talk about enquiring into one’s true nature but that is

insufficient however sincere our wish, for our powers of attention are limited.

However, once we taste, if only momentarily, that infinitude of Brahman, that

glimpse into a reality beyond our ordinary grasp, there arises an enthusiasm, an

expectation that it is possible and that we should develop the ability to remain

focused. A notion has been created in us that becomes radioactive and with time

and protracted effort it will break through the veil of forgetfulness (pramada) 6

that keeps us bound to ignorance of our true nature, unalloyed awareness. The

question is, are we ready to do it? The answer is yes.

-------------------------------

1 Brhadaranyaka Upanishad translated by Swami Madhavananda. p.xxiii. 1950.

2 Ibid, 3.8.8, p.517.

3 Manual of Zen Buddhism by D.T. Suzuki. Because of sentimental reasons I chose Suzuki’s version though there are many inspiring versions available. In 1974, his Essays in Zen Buddhism gave me the intellectual ammunition to break free of the strictures of Catholicism and see that there was another valid world which described with startling compactness and authority the search for meaning.

4 Karma [action] giving fruit [is] by the ordainment of God [the karta or ordainer]. Can karma be God, since karma is jada [devoid of consciousness]? Upadesa Saram v.1.

5 Self-Enquiry (Vicharasangraham). Section 2.

6 In Vedanta, it also means sloppiness or inattention, which is a prime cause of suffering.