Hindu Teachings

Spiritual-Teaching.org

Buddhist Teachings

Om Sri Ram

Hindu

Teachings

H

a

Home

Hindu Teachings

Spiritual Podcasts

Wisdom Bytes of

Bhagavan Ramana

New!

Letter # 31  -  Memory

Memory is a curious phenomenon. With age my memory is

increasingly vague and I wonder what is in store for me as further

time passes. The days when my body seemed immortal are now over

and with it comes the realisation that most of my dreams are fantasies

with little basis in what we commonly call reality. Memories too fade

as if they never existed. Are we any the lesser for it? One wonders

what exactly is real and constant. If memories dwindle what then is

left? Some fear a meaningless emptiness but for those who diligently

work on their own ignorance and purify their negativity, the newly

open space is an opportunity to rest in pure awareness.

It is said that our inevitable physical and mental decline is not a

smooth one but a series of sudden deteriorations followed by a

stabilisation in the new condition. Last year I was in hospital for four

and half months with a life-threatening condition. The fact I recovered

to some degree and lead a fair normal life is a miracle and for that one

cannot but owe it to the grace of Sri Ramana Maharshi, which was

genuinely felt during that harsh time. There does not seem to be any

other logical explanation especially when at one stage, the doctors

gave up on me in the initial three-week coma. There is the wonder

why it did not happen and what implications it has for the years

ahead. A second chance? Certainly, there is a greater appreciation of

being alive and a renewed determination to pursue the path of Sri

Ramana with whatever time is left. The prospect of death sharpens the

power of purpose.

The loss of swathes of everyday memory in hospital was both a

blessing and an irritation. A blessing because the stress of certain

memories is gone and it is possible to focus on that quiet, insistent but

subtle sense of silence. Without much effort at all, the hours can pass

much like the flow of oil which Sri Ramana described in the Tamil

version of Upadesa Saram (The Essence of Instruction), verse seven.

“…meditating [upon him] without abandoning [our thought of him],

like [the uninterrupted flow of] a river or the falling of ghee, is indeed

[a] superior [manner in which] to meditate….”

It is a paradox that though my memory is poorer for the recent health

crisis, meditating upon the form of Sri Ramana and the challenge of

that previously predictable inconsistency to focus, has become easier.

Like a flow of oil, it remains fixed on that conscious intention without

too much trouble. I have given up being someone involved in the

complexities of the world. Or rather should one say, the world has

given up on me!

In Hindu culture, religion and spirituality, which are all inextricably

entwined, there are four stages to one’s life span. There is

one, brahmacharya, or the student; two, grihastha or the householder

where a person marries and maintains a family; three, vanaprastha, or

retreat from the affairs of the world to semi-retirement; and

four, sannyasa, or complete renunciation and preparation for death

and the transition to a new form, that is, reincarnation, or better still, if

one has diligently explored and understood the chains of action which

bind one to an earthly life sequence, complete release from the cycle

of life and earth.

All of a sudden, I am now semi-retired, at the vanaprastha stage. Who

would have thought! There is the old cliché, man proposes, and God

disposes. It is true. We do not know. Every day is a new revelation

and its course is defined by unknown factors beyond our

comprehension. In one way, we are pawns in a game. In Hindu

scriptures they speak about the concept of lila, or the sport of the gods

or God. At first, it was not possible to take this perspective seriously.

For someone who grew up with a serious Catholic family and

education, it was anathema that God would take our lives so lightly as

a sport in which we were hostages to an end to which we are

congenitally blind. And yet, with age arrives the realisation that we

are not victims but more like possibilities who are given the choice

whether to go with the flow of events and learn from them or rebel

with much like a child’s tantrum. It becomes more and more evident

we do have a choice. If we cannot control events then what is the

alternative? It is surrender, learning from our mistakes and growing

beyond the limited perceptions inculcated by circumstances

surrounding one’s birth and development. There is no point saying

that it is not fair. Of course it is not fair. If it were, we would not be

confronted by our own limitations and as a result, not mature.

One reads or watches documentaries about those who rose to heights

of accomplishment but whose childhood and rise was fraught with

endless obstacles that would have destroyed a less committed person.

What is it that makes the difference? One obvious ability of such

people is a distinct lack of self-pity. When we take those first tentative

steps on the spiritual path, the task ahead seems enormous. We are not

mistaken; luckily it is our ignorance which shelters us from the

enormous ramifications of our situation. If we truly knew what was

ahead many would not even begin. Ahead is a frequent, intense

suffering as the mind and heart is purified. Eventually we see the joys

of the realisations upon the spiritual path cannot be calculated by

ordinary measures. We should not give up hope for we do reach a

certain plateau when we understand that the sacrifices made are

piffling in comparison.

As we meditate upon our master, in this case Bhagavan Sri Ramana

Maharshi, our mind is cleansed by our very act of thinking of him.

There is more. We become motivated by the love we begin to feel as

that mysterious act of grace is showered upon us when we

contemplate him. With time and effort through meditation, we narrow

our range of interests and see that what gives us most satisfaction is

not some ephemeral interruption but a yearning to go deeper and

deeper into our sense of self, our ‘I’. As our love becomes more

concentrated, our minds are freed of negativity.

Though my memory seems to be declining at least in the short term,

in the long run I can see it as a preparation for the next step, that

inevitable jump into the great unknown. Do I fear it? Yes and no.

From the hospital experience death is not to be feared, that it is

normal like a skin being exfoliated; the mysterious power strips us

and cannot be resisted. There is the fear related to the helplessness of

physical and mental incapacity but not the fact of dying. It was

brought home to me at the hospital where for the first three and half

months I lay in a bed unable to perform all the basic functions, let

alone walk, and was totally at the mercy of the kind nurses and

doctors. It was a foretaste of what may happen in years to come. So

yes, in that sense there is fear of the complications of the process but

not death itself which will be a relief. There have been so many acts

of grace, when Sri Ramana trains upon us his attention filled with

unconditional love, that the next step into the unknown is welcomed

with complete trust.